STOP GIVING AWAY YOUR POWER!

I told myself a few years ago “Stop Giving Away Your Power!”  I realized I was doing that based on who I perceived was more powerful and more “right”. Thinking someone was more “right” than me was a real issue. I was quick to acquiesce to their opinion, particularly if it involved an area of my life or performance in which I was already feeling insecure.

It may happen slowly. For me, it happened over a number of years. But to state this more correctly, it really started in childhood. I brought all my childhood insecurities forward whenever I was challenged in one of these areas of insecurity. I always believed I had left these issues behind, but the patterns kept emerging.

I was teased mercilessly as a young girl. I was really sick as a child – a lot – and the related antibiotics were terribly damaging to my teeth. My teeth were stained a grey-brown from these liquid antibiotics and I was always embarrassed to smile. Add to this an accident that left a spot on my front tooth bright white. It shone like a beacon of white against the grey teeth whenever I did smile.

I almost failed second grade. I was embarrassed because I tried really hard and would still fail tests. My dad pleaded with me to work harder and, if I passed the second grade, he would give me a new radio. I barely squeaked by AND I got the radio. But my self-esteem was at an all-time low because I couldn’t figure out how to keep working that hard.

I also switched schools due to a move to a new community. In this new school, we were given a free vision screening. With those results – very poor vision – I wore glasses from the time I was 7, and they weren’t attractive. The upside was that the glasses solved my problem. I could now see the blackboard and started making the honor roll. So now, I had 2 strikes – I had glasses and I was smart!

THE STRUGGLE IS REAL!

The challenges continued as I was growing up, and thank goodness there was no social media. I had enough trouble reconciling how I was surviving in my little community of grade school teasing and not being one of the “it” girls. High school was a bit better, and by the time I graduated, I had come into my own personality and some measure of self-confidence.

These are just a couple of incidents from a life-long battle with self-confidence. My self-confidence is always under attack. It’s a combination of self-talk and how people respond to me and my message. Not everyone wants to hear from me, nor does everyone like me. These are facts I had to learn to reconcile while still moving forward to continue to do what I am called to do.

Staying confident is a lifelong quest for me. I share strategies with the women and businesses I coach. I want them to benefit from my experiences. I’m not here to teach you what to do, but I am here to give you some tips and strategies to help you focus on letting go of the things that hold you back.

Part of taking back your power involves your attitude and commitment.  You have to WANT to take back your power and be committed to doing whatever it takes. The real challenge is letting go of the opinions of others. You can work on not caring about their opinion and then letting go of its affect on you. Tall order, I know, but THIS is the key to your future freedom!

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Besides your attitude and commitment, there are some other key phrases I would like to share with you. They will help you when you get stuck and when you have trouble moving forward. The reason they work is that they help you get out of your own head and into what may be motivating others to strike out.

WHAT YOU CAN DO!

5 STRATEGIES TO HELP YOU RECOGNIZE ATTACKS ON YOUR POWER

AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT THEM!

ISSUE # 1

WHAT SHOWS UP: Arrogance is evidence of a fear of vulnerability. – When someone acts in an arrogant way, more than likely they are afraid to be vulnerable. Their arrogance is protection for their most vulnerable fears and the fear of being “found out” as someone who is different than how they present themselves.

WHAT YOU CAN DO: Recognize what is behind the arrogance. You can choose to try to peel back what is really motivating them, or you can choose to simply understand what they are going through and use it to disarm the effect of the arrogant behavior on your well-being

ISSUE #2

WHAT SHOWS UP: Bullying is a sign of significant personal insecurity. – The worst bullies are terribly insecure. It is so hard to tell based on their bullying activity, but it’s there. The bully doesn’t always realized how scared they are because the bullying has become their go-to protection mechanism.

WHAT YOU CAN DO: Do what you can to get it to stop. Report it to the proper adults and/or through the appropriate channels. And then you can take a deep look inside to see how it is impacting you. Remember the bullying is about them and not you. Don’t allow it to impact your self-esteem. I know that is harder said than done.

ISSUE #3

WHAT SHOWS UP: Jealousy is triggered when you want what you don’t have. – When someone is jealous, they are simply being triggered by their desire for something they want but don’t have. If they perceive you have what they want, then you become the target.

WHAT YOU CAN DO: It’s important to NOT downplay your talent or feel guilty for what you have. Simply operate with gratitude and all will be fine.

ISSUE #4

WHAT SHOWS UP: Instigating drama is a way to distract others and try to regain control. – When someone starts drama, it is usually for the purpose of distraction and control. If they cannot achieve control any other way, appearing to “lead the pack” through instigating drama is a last-ditch effort. 

WHAT YOU CAN DO:  Recognize this drama for what it is – an attempt to gain control. Stay above the fray and don’t play into the tactic. Once you get sucked in, it’s difficult to remove yourself. A simple response like, “I’m sorry, I don’t have time to get involved”, may seem off-putting, but simply remain calm and kind with your response and those perpetuating the drama will quickly realize you aren’t interested.

ISSUE #5

WHAT SHOWS UP: Button-pushing is an intentional act. – When someone works on you by pushing your buttons, this is an intentional manipulation. They know exactly what they are doing and they want to get a reaction from you. They want to throw you off balance so they can appear to be more powerful or more in control.

WHAT YOU CAN DO: Learn to see it coming and diffuse it by your reaction. If you don’t allow your buttons to be pushed, the person attempting to do so will eventually drop it. Their action only works when you react to their effort. When you learn to control your response or choose not to respond, you disarm their efforts.

I hope this helps you think about your own power and how you can reclaim it. Give yourself permission to reclaim it. Please join the conversation by leaving a comment. Let’s show other women they are not alone in this issue.

And if you like topics like these, you might like to learn more about my own story and the process I use and share to create any meaningful change in your life. It’s called CRAVE and it’s a really kind way to plan your “next thing”. You can click below to get a free chapter from my book, Your Ideal Life: Five Steps to Creating the Life of Your Dreams.

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I’m Tina Meilleur and a Leadership and Business Mentor, author and speaker. You can learn more about my story here. I am also the founder of Design Your Success and the Academy for Business Success. My mission is helping high achievers match their desires, skills and experiences with success on their terms. My “It’s My Turn” program and CRAVE™ process are systematic approaches for making simple “tweaks” or orchestrating a total reinvention. I am the author of Your Next Chapter: Five Steps to Creating the Life of Your Dreams to help others build anything they want into their life. I have a CPA designation in the State of Louisiana and received my MBA from Tulane University in their Executive MBA program. I’m a highly sought-after mentor, life coach, female CEO facilitator, business strategist/coach, and speaker. You can reach out to me at Tina@DesignYourSuccess.com.